Confessions

I confess.
I did a terrible thing today.
A thing I can't believe I did.
I didn't want it to happen.
It was totally unintentional.

So there I was, just minding my own business
When I noticed someone walk past.
He gazed long at me
And my heart skipped a beat.
It wasn't because I thought he was you either.
Such a foreign feeling after all these many moons
Of loving and wanting and adoring you
And no one else.
And then I realized
What had crossed my mind
About the shade of his eyes
The strength of his arms.

For just one moment
The first time in an unyielding eternity
You were absent
And your place in my thought was taken
By another.
I was shocked.
Where were you?
Where had you gone?
And who was this stranger who
For a fleeting moment
Had hidden you from me?

But of course that's what you want
What you've wanted for a long time
Since the first time you broke my heart.
"Move on girl, stop being stupid. I'm not coming back.
At least not to you."

But then I found myself in the same old place
With the same old you
In my same old thoughts
Of Whatif

and Whynot

and Whatcouldhavebeen.
And the same old memories of
Stronger arms embracing me
And lovelier eyes that gazed into mine
And soft words spoken
And long kisses in the twilight.

By this time, I was thoroughly unhinged
Hating myself
For forgetting, if only for a moment
And for remembering, when remembering does nothing.
For wanting to go back
And for admitting that we never could.
For noticing the notice of another
And noticing your disregard for me.
Oh the agony
Of a torn mind.

I did a terrible thing today.
A thing I can't believe I did.
I didn't want it to happen.
But I must confess
That is not entirely true.

Tags: Confessions, Feelings, Moving On